A Young Man’s Life

0:37 Welcome to the Stone Choir Podcast. I am Corey J. Mahler. And I'm still woe. On today's Stone Choir we're going to be discussing the plight of young men in principally the United States, but really I think everywhere in the West Western world, particularly young men who are unmarried. Uh some what we say will have to do with married men. Uh principally this will be addressed to basically like guys you know twelve to fifteen up to you know forty, and secondarily to their fathers, the fathers of both sons and daughters who are facing some of the circumstances we're gonna describe. As a warning to fathers, you know, listen with children, we're not gonna be you know graphic or inappropriate with anything today, I don't

1:20 think, but obviously the the subjects you would expect are going to come up probably at some length, so you may want to screen this before listening to with younger children. As we mentioned last week we were also in the middle of an arc dealing with politics. As we mentioned last week, we'll probably break some of those up just because of the the time commitment and you know we're recording on a Tuesday, yesterday was Labor Day. So this is one that didn't take as much prep because we know a lot of this off the top of our heads. This is, however, an episode that's a continuation of seven episodes that uh we've done in the recent past. Uh so I'm gonna refer to back to them specifically because today

2:02 as we're speaking, you know, principally to young men, there's a lot of groundwork that we've laid on kind of more theory And this one we're going to try to make as practical and hopefully encouraging as possible. That encouragement obviously is going to take the form as Christians that ultimately you have to trust in God to deliver on his promises and to deliver the good things because I think we should all have the sense that you can do everything right, do everything by the book, and things may still may not pan out. And And it's very difficult, particularly for a young man to see the state of the world and perhaps the state of his own dating life and think I I just can't handle this anymore.

2:45 And we don't want guys who are facing those circumstances to listen to Job's wife's advice when she said, curse God and die. That's not the Christian response, obviously. We're gonna encourage trust and and confidence and God's promises, but we're also here living and there's stuff for us to do. There's stuff for you as young men to do. The groundwork, as I said, was laid in seven recent episodes, so I'm just gonna name them to give you a pointer back to if this is one you happen to be listening to first, they address different aspects of some of the things that we're just going to assume are already part of your knowledge in this episode. Uh the first of those is episode twenty two on women, scripture

3:26 and ontology, and then the next episode twenty three on feminism. That's where we specifically deal with the question of what is a woman, what is a girl, how are they different than men, why are the two sexes fundamentally different and that's the episode two-part series where we dealt a great deal with headship and the importance of headship. So that's obviously going to be implicit in this conversation, both for young men who are looking to become heads of your own households, and also for fathers who have sons and daughters who are going out into the world and facing this great unknown, horrifying unknown, man made horrors beyond comprehension as we look at the state of the relations of men and women today.

4:12 Episode twenty six on the fear of the Lord that goes back to as I said, you know, we're trusting in in God's promises. And ultimately, if we fear God as He commands us to, we can't be afraid of anything else. So that's one small element of this, but it's a really important one. And I'll spoil the ending of this episode. We're gonna end with Jesus' speech in the Sermon on the Mount, where he talks about the birds of the air and the beasts of the field trusting and receiving his promises and his gifts without anything. They don't know. They just God takes care of them. And God promises that if he takes care of, you know, birds and animals and insects, he's also going to take care of you because he died for you on the cross.

4:55 So I hope that'll be the arc of this whole episode as we go through these things. Uh in episode twenty-seven, the listener feedback episode, the first one that we've done, we'll probably do another one here pretty soon, we talked some about celibacy versus chastity. That's gonna be a discussion that we're gonna rehash here again because it's been blowing up on in the internet recently again. And it's one of the most fundamental aspects of the struggle of a young man who's full of testosterone. He's surrounded by girls who are half naked because their fathers are fools and need to be beaten. And the difference between chastity and celibacy is a vital one because a lot of pastors are spreading a lot of absolute garbage that is

5:37 binding men's consciences and fashions that are ultimately disastrous. So we'll get into that. Also, I want to mention just briefly in episode uh twenty-seven on for listener feedback. It's the only episode where we've ever mentioned that we have a donation link on the website. As we mentioned in episode nine, Paywalling God, we never started this thing to get a dime. The only reason we initially created the donation page was that people kept asking for it. And so if if someone wants to support what we're doing, we're not going to say no. that frankly that would be insulting. But we've never made it a point of what we're doing. Uh recently we've had a couple very sizable donations and I wanted

6:17 to acknowledge those men. That was tremendously generous of you. And I also want to acknowledge the fact that when Cory and I set out to do Stone Choir, it was with the hope that we would build an archive, you know, library of episodes that would tackle some of these tough subjects, and it would just sit there on the internet and you know hopefully some people would find it in enough time that we wouldn't lose hope that it was ever gonna be discovered. We never really expected it to take off. It has in terms of numbers and in terms of support. And the reason I'm mentioning the money, despite the fact that that's a it's not the point, and B I don't if if someone wants to call us grifters, whatever.

6:58 I I uh I'm not comfortable talking about it, but I want to acknowledge that men have given and I want to acknowledge the fact that it goes to a broader subject that is another one of the episodes we'll talk about in a little bit. When we act in the world, when we act in each other's lives, we are God's hands. In other people's lives. The thing that you do for your neighbor is you acting on behalf of God for God for your neighbor. Those are the good works which He promised He prepared beforehand for us. And so when someone gives us a gift, small or large, in a sense, in a very real sense, I don't mean hypothetically, that's literally true, not only is that person doing something, but God is doing something through them for us.

7:49 If anyone happened to read my docs, there was some complete nonsense in there about my finances. I haven't had a paycheck in ten years. And I am now effectively probably unemployable by virtue of having started this podcast along with Corey, who is also more or less unemployable, because we're disreputable neo-Nazi podcasters according to the people who hate God. I'm not complaining. I'd signed up for this and we've said in a lot of episodes. That's fine. We're gonna do this. We're gonna obey God. And I trust in God. But when people start sending gifts to us, I can't ignore the fact that that is God saying, do more of this. And to be clear, this is not about money. We get Corey and I, between the two of us, we probably

8:34 get between six and twelve messages every single week from people who I discovered the podcast recently, the reaching out to say thank you for what you're doing. It's in specifically saying, I'm going back to church. I'm reading my Bible more. Maybe I'm going to church for the first time, or I left my church where no one cared about God, and I found a church where they actually preached the whole council of God. We get those messages all the time as a direct result of the things that we have said on this podcast. If that's all that we ever got, that would be more than enough reason for us to continue to do it. If additionally God also says we're going to cover some of your bills through you, through listeners, I want to acknowledge the fact that

9:18 that's I'm grateful to God and I'm grateful to you for doing that. And if it goes away tomorrow, that's fine. That's not the reason. Uh we will put a link this time in the show notes to the donation page, not to solicit, but because about a month ago I I was mentioning it to Corey, I happened to look at it again, and it only had like three categories of monthly donations, and a couple of them were just absurdly large. And I said, that's stupid, no one should should ever give that much money. And so he went back through and took that as a challenge to basically turn it into kind of a a Bible Easter egg. If you've seen recently the ADL list of racist numbers between one and a hundred, basically Corey turned it into kind of a mini

9:58 Bible study where the donation tiers m most of them are completely absurd, but they're Bible references. So that's more free entertainment if you're a listener. You know, you want to be entertained additionally for free, like I said in the paywalling episode. Everything we do is completely free because we're doing this because we think God compels us. And we would never charge for something that we think God wants us to do. That would be going completely opposite directions. So I'm mentioning the donation page because it's kind of entertaining. And if you want to test your Bible knowledge, you'll I think you'll have fun with some just trying to figure out what those numbers have to do with what Bible verses.

10:35 Corey has tremendous knowledge of scripture a lot more than me and that's it's just fun and entertaining. So that'll be there. Since I mentioned I also want to reiterate something I said in the listener episode, which is please don't give us money if ever in the future you are going to be offended by something that we say. If we come after one of things that you are devoted to and we call it an idol and we say we're gonna smash it, which is one of the things that we're here to do, I don't want to give offense and then for someone to feel like all those guys they were a fraud and they ripped me off. Please don't give money if you're gonna be offended if we trash you. We don't mean to trash you.

11:12 We're trying to focus on what's true and what's false. If we think that something's false that you happen to like, we're going to give it the same treatment that we've given all the other things you like. So if in the future you would be horribly offended if we said something that you found disparaging, please don't give us any money because I don't want feel like I don't want you to feel like we ripped you off. That's I never would end up feel that way. Next episode in the arc that I mentioned, 28 Sweat the Small Stuff. That's one where we talk a little bit about things that we can do in our churches and communities to kind of rebuild a Christian society because we are so far gone. We're so many generations of now away from anything that could remotely

11:57 look like a Christian society that we gotta start somewhere. And so in that episode we talked a little bit about, you know, things like job boards in uh in your congregation. Not only should you be worshiping with those folks every week, but you should be trying to hire them or you should be working for them. You should have commerce with your brothers in Christ, preferentially. That's something that has always been the case and it should continue to be so. So that also we'll talk about today specifically. That also includes finding a maid. Not necessarily go to church to find a girl at church 'cause you may not find them, especially in a lot of conservative congregations. Sometimes it's all old people.

12:36 But you know what? Those old people have daughters and granddaughters. Maybe asking them is gonna help. So we'll talk about that in this episode. In 29 episode on the generational divide, we specifically talk about the fact that young guys are today in a position where a lot of guys our age and older are probably going to give you incredibly stupid advice because things have changed so much even in five, ten, fifteen, let alone thirty or forty years, that when some boomer says pull yourself up by your bootstraps, we talked about how idiotic that is on its face. It's the literal opposite of what the the original intent of that expression was. You as a young man, if you're listening to us, you're in

13:18 a position where you have to weigh all these things that all these old guys are telling you, and some of it will be true, most of it's gonna be garbage. And it's all gonna sound the same to you and you're not gonna have any frame of reference. So that's an episode where we talk a little bit about how sometimes you respecting your elders is limited to loving them and according them dignity, but disregarding some of their completely retarded advice. In a loving way, you know, don't pick fights, but if they're saying something idiotic, don't listen. Because it's your life that you will screw up if you follow the wrong path. And the same applies to us. Like I'm I'm in my mid forties, Corey's in his mid thirties.

13:56 We're older guys to some of you. There are things that we don't know. And we mentioned I in one of the episodes, we talked to a lot of guys in their early twenties and late teens and we would say stupid things if we weren't talking to guys your age because it's stuff I would never imagine. I can never imagine how bad it is for you unless I was talking to you guys who were telling me. So we're gonna talk a little bit today about some of those things, but we also reference in that episode's what to do when you're getting mixed advice from people. And last one, talking about, you know, living with past mistakes in episode 30 against the clockwork universe, we talk about some of the damage that's done by sexual promiscuity, particularly against girls.

14:40 So those are all subjects we're not going to get into today because they're dealt with previously. Today we're going to try to give some concrete specific advice. Again, we're older guys, I'm divorced, Corey's single. If you think that makes us retarded and not worth listening to, okay, I'm not gonna argue with you. We have made mistakes. If we tell you things that are gonna cause you to repeat our mistakes, that would be malicious and foolhardy. Guys who screwed things up can also give you at least some narrow advice about here's how not to make the same mistake same mistakes that I did. Neither of us are fathers, so I am really uncomfortable with the notion of giving any fatherly advice. So as I mentioned, the secondary audience for this episode is fathers.

15:23 I'm not gonna give you father to father advice because I I have I'm not a dad. I I have no skin in the game in terms of making mistakes and screwing up kids. What I can do is tell you what some of these younger guys are facing, and then you as a father of a son or a daughter will have to figure out amongst yourselves how do I prevent my children from going down a path that's going to fall into some of these traps or cause some of these problems for others. So we're gonna try to stay in our line. That's important to me. I don't wanna we're not know it all despite the way we sometimes come across. We try to stick to what we know and what we can speak to faithfully. There'll be a lot of scripture in this, and it's also just

16:05 gonna be a lot of of straight advice. But I I hope that this episode, which you know, I've got you know fifteen minutes into an introduction. I hope the young guys who are listening will come away from this having a little bit more confidence in having some idea of what they can avoid and what they should try to do, but ultimately knowing that we have to trust in God for all this stuff. Because you don't know if you're gonna wake up tomorrow, forget whether you're gonna find a wife. You don't know if the sun's gonna come up tomorrow. You don't know if your heart's gonna beat tomorrow. You trust in God to deliver on his promises and he'll take care of the rest. And so for all the advice that you'll ever get from anyone,

16:40 that is what you have to have your confidence in. Having confidence rooted in God makes it possible to engage boldly in the world without feeling like you have to get everything just right. Because if the onus is always on you to get everything just right, you know that's hopeless. That that's a that's a well that no one can dig himself out of. If you trust in God and know that obeying him will be fruitful That's half the battle. And the rest of it is prayer and doing the time and putting in the work and waiting for God to deliver. And in the meantime, living your life as a man. So to start off the episode proper, we should probably go over some of the reasons that young men in particular have it so hard

17:24 today, why there's so many problems for young men specifically. And part of this is we'll start with the dating market, as it were, with the marriage market. Given the current set of incentives and the way that our society is structured, it is structured against most men. Yes, there is that top percentage to kind of abuse the terms, but they're the men who are very successful in the current market, and that is a tiny percentage of men. And the reason for that is very simple. Women want to have to have to some degree security and to some degree stability. But there is another aspect to their nature, we went over this somewhat in previous episodes. But if the opportunity is there, women are going to go after

18:28 some of these higher status men. And the reason they'll do that under the current circumstances is because our society and particularly our government has been designed in order to encourage that, because the goal is to delay or to Or to destroy family formation, we live under an evil government. We've covered that previously, and proved that point, insofar as we're concerned. But traditionally, it is the father and then the husband who provides that stable environment for a woman where she is safe and can raise a family. That is the natural order of things. That is how things are supposed to go. Well, today, the government has stepped in to a certain degree to act as the husband for single women.

19:20 And so the necessity of forming that family bond, of maintaining a family bond, first with regard to the father being the most natural family bond, because he's your father if you're his daughter, and then with your husband, with whom you will form your own family, the government has stepped in to a certain degree and said, No, if you are living alone, that's fine. We have all of these social services, we have these various programs of which you can take advantage, etc., etc. This creates a perverse set of incentives, and that is deliberate. Because on the one hand, it maintains women as part of the working class, so it it is beneficial in terms of capitalism, in terms of the market, you have more workers, you can drive down

20:12 wages, etc. But more importantly, and this is obviously Satan's overarching goal, it makes it incredibly difficult to form families. Because women when they are younger and more vulnerable and more easily misled, and that's obviously just true. Yes, men when they're younger are also more easily misled, but women are more easily misled than men. That's in scripture. That's just the way God made men and women. But women, when they are young and easily misled, they can be told by the culture, by the state, No, you should take advantage of your youth and you should do these things that you really shouldn't do. But the problem is by the time they realize the error they have made, well they're now in their mid thirties, or their forties.

21:05 Women have a biological clock that men really do not. Yes, men have one to a certain degree. If you have your first child when you're sixty, you're going to have a lot of problems that you would not have if you had had your first child when you were thirty. So for men, yes, you can marry later, you can have children later. You shouldn't do it too late. But for women that's not an option. Because women have a fertility window. There's only a set number of years, fifteen, twenty years, depending on the woman, wherein you can actually have children. All Satan has to do is get women to squander that period, and he's one. Because that destroys family formation. It destroys the next generation, and as we've covered in previous episodes,

21:50 that is primarily how Christendom propagates. It propagates from father to son, from father to daughter, from father to his children, because he is the head of the household, he is the head of his children, he is the head of his wife as well, and he instills in them the Christian faith. Christianity is not primarily a matter of going out and proselytizing and bringing in new converts. Yes, that's part of it, and at certain points in history that has been a more important part of it. But that was not God's design. God's original design was that Adam would teach his sons and daughters, and then his sons and daughters would teach their sons and daughters in perpetuity. And that is how it was in Christendom, once Christianity returned to

22:39 Europe for a thousand years, for more than a thousand years. It is only today that that has fallen away because we're quite frankly just having fewer children, and these are the reasons that's happening. But now to speak directly to fathers, now we're not going to give, as we said, specific parenting advice, although I'm a little more comfortable giving some. I've done a fair amount of work in psychology. I know some will think that that's probably the antithesis of knowing how to deal with children, but it depends on what you read and which conclusions you draw. But to give some actual concrete advice for fathers, this is the same advice we've been giving all along. Do not send your daughters to college.

23:25 Period. That's a blanket recommendation. And the reason not to do that is very simple. The odds are that she is going to do extremely unwise things while she is away from your roof. And this is not a matter of trusting your daughter or not trusting your daughter. This is a matter of being a father. Realizing that God has given you a position of headship. It is your duty to oversee what she does You cannot do that when she's away at college. And so what is she when she's away at college? She's headless. Headless things do not make good decisions. That is simply the nature of reality. And so a verse should come to mind. Leviticus, do not profane your daughter by making her a prostitute, lest the land fall into prostitution, and the land become full of depravity.

24:24 When you send your daughter away to college, and I do mean emphasis on away because it is particularly a problem when you send her away to college, a residential college. There's a difference if she takes a few classes at a community college, comes home at night, lives under your roof. But if you send her away to a residential college, you are effectively telling her go be a prostitute. Now she may not. You may win the odds. But don't play those odds. God did not call you to roll the dice when it comes to your children. You are called to be a father and a head, you are called to raise them correctly. And this is part of the reason that young men are having such a hard time finding marriageable women, because once a woman has

25:08 gone to college and been promiscuous, in many cases she is no longer fit to be a wife. Because as we went over in previous episodes, there are very real consequences to that behavior. And becoming a Christian again if you apostatized while you were in college and you come back to Christ, becoming a Christian again does not remove those temporal consequences. It removes the eternal consequences, so you don't necessarily go to hell because you were a whore in undergrad. But there are very real consequences. You won't be able to pair bond as well, if at all. You will have children that will have genetic issues that they would not otherwise have had, etc, etc. There are many problems attendant that and so And so we recognize

25:56 these are the problems that young men are facing, because they're facing a marriage market in which there are many women who are simply not marriageable anymore. And so one of the recommendations that we would make for the young men out there don't look for women at college. That's not going to be a good place to find them. Look for a woman who has a good enough relationship with her father that she didn't go to college, that her father knew to recommend to her that that was not a wise decision, really ever, but particularly under present circumstances. There are many places where you can find women who are marriage material. They still exist. You may be, to speak directly to the young men, you may

26:42 be discouraged because of what you've seen of the world, and to some degree that's rational. The world has a lot of problems right now. And women, you need to understand the nature of women. Women are going to reflect the society more directly than men are. Because Because that is how God made women. Women start to become like and to reflect their head, and a woman who is not living under her father's roof or her husband's roof is going to reflect her head, and her head is going to be the state. She is going to reflect the current state of society. And that is what we see today. And I'm sure that there are a lot of guys listening right now, particularly fathers who are thinking, well, I know about a good Christian

27:28 college where that's not gonna happen. BS. It's a matter of degrees. And this is part of the reason why I said at the beginning, your knowledge of college is utterly worthless. It's completely worthless. You think you know something about college, you know nothing. You are completely ignorant. And anything that you would ever say to a man fifteen, twenty years younger than you is garbage. Don't even think about doing it because you're wrong. The degree of depravity in these places I don't know the frequency with which it's doubling. It's certainly more than every five years. But the notion that someone who was in college twenty-five, thirty years ago has a clue what's going on today is it's wicked.

28:08 You should I'm telling you right now, don't tell anyone, oh no, it's gonna be fine. And I include the Christian colleges in that. Three things will happen if you send girls off to college. They will become whores, they will become witches, and they will apostatize. I know that sounds completely overblown and over the top, I'm sure some of you are just laughing at me right now. By degrees all those things will happen. Because as Corey said, girls need a head. We talked about, I think, in the feminism episode about the fact that the marriage ceremony where the father gives his daughter's hand to the groom, not only is it a transfer of title, it's a transfer of headship. It is saying the father who was the head of this girl

28:50 is now making this man her head. She has to have a head. When you send her away, she doesn't have a head. I don't want to abuse the term literally, but this is more than a metaphor here. This is a functional, spiritual, real thing, and there's no workaround. And there is no in loco parentis when you have a Christian college. Because I'll tell you what, the people who are teaching in those places have all themselves all gone to colleges that are being corrupted. All the things you hear people complaining about politically, socioeconomically, sociopolitically, any way you want to cut it, the institutions for learning are diseased. Frankly, the very fact that there would be a co ed college is by itself a itself an indication that you're dealing with

29:36 a wicked place. You would never, ever in a million years throw a bunch of horny teenage boys and girls in one place and think, oh they're fine, I catechized them. They'll turn out just fine. That's insane. That is being the worst possible father. So again, we're saying stuff that seems extreme and it seems absurd. I'm I'll put my credibility on the line. It is not we're not going far enough. We're not gonna describe the things that we know are going on because we'd have to put an explicit warning on this thing. And some of you would probably just turn it off and never listen again. I the stories about what happens are unconscionable. They they're they're worse than anything that we have until you go

30:19 back to the the dawn of recorded history and talking about Greek and Roman level pagan practices that today are cultural. they're normal. They're things that go on. And witchcraft, same deal. I went girls, you know, the the the notion of spiritual but not religious, that is basically the expression of how girls view religion. A girl without a head saying, You are going to be Christian, she may hang on for a time. I'm not saying that they're not capable of having faith or maintaining faith. I'm saying that their faith will be put to the test in a way that men can't understand. We don't have the social necessity to get our bearings from bearings from other people. That's not the case with girls.

31:07 They fundamentally get their bearings from what the group is doing. And so when the group is influenced by any degree by something negative, it's naturally going to nudge a girl much more than a guy. Now, obviously we all know the guys can fall into peer pressure, but it's much more of a binary decision. Guys say do something stupid and other guys say, Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, or I'll take that dare. Or they just say no, I want no part of this scene. Guys can make that sort of a decision and walk away from a group, or just tell the group, I'm not I want nothing to do with this. If you guys are gonna do this, I'm gonna I'm gonna bounce. Girls virtually never have that kind of fortitude.

31:47 And it's it's endemic to their nature. It's not a question of weak character. I'm not trying to suggest if you have a really tough girl, she's gonna be fine. We're fundamentally different. The sexes are different. the couple episodes we did on women is specifically dealing with the fact that we're not the same stuff. And so the problems that girls will face are in some ways fundamentally different from the problems that men will face. And for the young guys, as Corey said, who are looking for marriageable material, you know, forget whether she's attractive or, you know, whatever degree of intelligence you find appealing. Something that we mentioned before that that blew up online a few years ago was a controversy around debt free virgins without tattoos.

32:32 Debt free means she doesn't have a negative dowry. If you send her off to college, you're almost certainly putting her in debt. That debt is functionally a negative dowry. You're saying to her husband, he's going her future husband, you're gonna have to pay off this five or six figure debt before you can even break even on taking my daughter out from under my wing. And guys do that without a second thought. That's evil. That's completely evil. A negative dowry is the most maniacal thing imaginable, apart from the rest. Forget the sexual promiscuity or any of the rest. Just saddling her with debt so that what so that she can go learn something that's probably useless in most cases. I mean, when you look at the degrees that girls are completing

33:16 relative to men, it's mostly blow off garbage. It it's just stuff that shouldn't even be higher education. it's a joke. And yet they are gonna s getting saddled with d debt that is not dischargeable in bankruptcy is going to completely disrupt future family formation. And any guy with any sense, and this is the advice to young men, think like Think long and hard about even dating a girl who has much college debt. You know, if it's five thousand, ten thousand, that's one thing. It's usually not. It's usually closer to six figures. So you should write them off. I'll say flat out and I think Cory agrees you should write a girl off if she's six figures in debt without hesitation. Because Cory said, she has an idiot father, she has clearly no

34:02 judgment, and she has a boat anchor around her neck. And you want to attach that to your future family? No. You have a choice as young man. You're trying to filter and winnow things down. That's an easy place to start. Virgins, we talked about that in past episodes. That's it's virtually a lost cause. And frankly, one of the things that goes into a young man trying to find a girl who has has been sexually chased is she's gonna have to be younger in a lot of cases. So we'll talk in a little bit about talking to fathers instead of talking to daughters to meet their daughters. I and we referenced the episode around you know job boards at church. I think we're gonna need to see arranged marriages come back for

34:48 a while. Now, on the subject of younger marriages and disparate marriages, guys who are knowledgeable about particularly American history will know that in the sixteenth, seventeen, eighteen hundreds, I think marriages were typically in like twenty two, twenty three, twenty four range, depending on the culture and whatever. Those were fundamentally Christian cultures where the girls were living under their parents' roof. So you cannot compare it to today because the single number of age is not communicating the same thing in 2023 that it communicated in 1723. It's just not. The 16-year-old girl, the 18-year old girl, the 23 year old girl, that is the march of time where they have been under continuous

35:31 influence from a wicked society, encouraging them to give up their virginity and then to go further and further and further in frequency, depravity, and profligacy of their sexual misconduct. And they'll do it because it's fun and everyone else is doing it and again they want to fit in. Who wants to be a prude? Who wants to be the girl who's on the outs with the group? And even in a Christian college, this stuff still happens. Maybe parents don't hear about it, but I promise you I've heard about it. I've heard names of children of pastors doing this stuff. I'm it's not the point. The point is you can't just trust but you baptize the kid and catechise them that they're not going to misbehave when they get

36:17 away from you. So what do we do? Simple thing. Don't send her to college. Don't sell her with debt. Don't give her into an environment where she's likely to engage in age and sexual promiscuity. And for young men, you know, one of the things that as I said, Corey and I talk a lot to to younger guys, you know, in the 18, 22, 23 range, all the time. And most of them are trying not to despair about this stuff. You know, they they they have a stiff upper lip and they're trying to do the right things and they are trying to trust in God. And one of the reasons that we're doing this episode is to encourage that. And also to encourage the guys who are not, they're just not seeing it. They're not seeing any hope.

37:02 For fathers with daughters, these guys exist. And if you have a sixteen, seventeen, eighteen-year-old daughter who is looking at going off to college, not only don't send her off to college, but at least have open in your mind the prospect that maybe you should be a participant. Not completely. I'm not saying we're not suggesting I'm going to hand a man to a girl and say, here you go, this is this is a 100% arranged marriage. We're saying that matchmaking historically was a family function. It was a parental function. It wasn't it wasn't a social thing where you just send these headless kids off when they're at their maximum sexual energy and desire and minimum ability ability to c comprehend or appreciate future consequences for

37:49 their actions where they don't have impulse control to the degree that they will when they're ten years older. You don't send them off and then expect everything to work out hunky dory. So So, fathers, if you're listening, at least consider working so somehow. And again, I we don't know how that's going to manifest. Just we want people to begin thinking about just like job boards in churches. You should be thinking about finding pairs for your sons and daughters. You know, uh the ideal best case for some sort of you know, arranged marriage sounds so formal. It's really more about the introduction and encouragement. You know, when every child has two choices, they're basically four for permutations.

38:36 Either you have good parents and you obey them or you rebel. Or you have bad parents and you obey them in being bad. Or you rebel and act good. So there are two good outcomes and there are two bad outcomes. And they're reversed depending on the quality of parent you have. If you're a good parent, you want to encourage good behavior in your sons and daughters. And some of that's going to be supporting them, not just setting them loose, not just saying, yeah, good luck, get out of here. You know, I put up with you for 18 years, gonna pay off some of your debt for college and then I'm gonna go buy a boat and focus on spending more time on vacation. That's what the boomers did to a lot of people.

39:16 That's the model that we've inherited. And part of the generations episode is talking about the fact that there are no good models for this stuff. So when Cory and I talk about things like even mentioning arranged marriages and not sending kids off not s especially sending girls, I don't think anyone should go to college. I think no more than fifteen percent of the male population should ever set foot in college. And today I think should drop to zero for probably a generation, at least until those places no longer exist and we've started from scratch. Either way, there's no model for what we're encouraging because the world is so evil and so far gone that of course you're not going to find a model for this stuff.

39:53 So it's going to sound crazy and weird, and crazy and weird everyone thinks well that's impractical, that can't possibly work. Well, it worked for centuries. it worked for most of human history. It didn't stop working. We stopped doing it. And that's the distinction here. It's not that these things that we used to do quit working and we somehow evolved into a more erudite society. It's we just quit trying. We quit caring. Parents quit caring. They started setting their kids free, and now we're living in the ashes of those poor decisions. Trying to sweep up these ashes and build something again is going to involve at least for maybe a generation or two, doing some stuff that we haven't done in a long time.

40:34 And so I'm very encouraged that I I know there's some young men who are listening to this who've specifically talked to fathers and said, you know, I'd like to date your daughter or do you have any daughters? Like that's it it it sounds like such a an antiquated, you know, kinda th there's no TV example for it unless you go back to the eighteen hundreds, like a cowboy story or something. It sounds absurd because the models were taken away from us. But it's an entirely salutary thing. It's not the only possible option, but in a world on fire, it's potentially an option that should certainly be explored. In a very real sense, many of these problems are a form of antinomianism. And I mean that in a specific way.

41:21 What we are in essence doing is ignoring nature. We're saying, well, we're Christian Christian and so these problems that are inherent in human nature are no longer a problem for us because we're Christian. And that's not true. It's not true in the sense of nature as God intended it, and so when you become a Christian, you still have to eat and drink. You still get thirsty, you still get tired. You are still a creature, you are still an animal, in fact. And so these demands of your physical nature are not removed by faith. That would be insane. That is to say that would be to say that faith destroys ontology, that it destroys nature. It doesn't do that. Your if your theology destroys ontology, your theology is wrong.

42:11 But then there's also the other sense where people are rejecting the fact that we live in a fallen world. They're saying, if you become Christian, then it doesn't matter that you live in a fallen world. No, it still matters very much. Because there are still temptations, there are still problems, you will still encounter these things in your daily life because you live in a fallen world and you are still fallen. And so yes, your daughter may be a very good person. She may be able to recite the entire catechism. She knows chunks of scripture by heart. She attends church every Sunday, she sings in the choir, all of these things. If you ignore the nature of women. You ignore the nature of girls, you ignore the fallen nature of

43:02 humanity, and you send her off to a place where she is going to be surrounded by temptations and pressures. Odds are she'll eventually crack. And you are responsible for that. And as well mentioned, one of the first things that you can notice about a supposed Christian college, if it's co ed, it's not Christian. Period. That's the end of it. It may be Christian in many other ways. It may have a chapel, it may have required attendance. All these things that you see at Christian colleges, and for the record I went to one for one semester, but I did attend one. Just because it is Christian in name does not mean that it is Christian in practice. If it's coed, it has already proven to you that it rejects

43:46 the fallen nature of man, and seeks simply to ignore it, and by doing so creates immense occasion for temptation, and what does Scripture say about creating the occasion for temptation? Temptation must come, but woe to those by whom it comes. Do not be the one upon whom Christ, upon whom the Word of God is pronouncing woe. And speaking of woe, he said that women who go away to college become whores, witches, and apostates. I want to focus on that for a second, because some, as he mentioned, may think that that's an extreme position, may think that that's unreasonable, they think of course they aren't going to do that. Well here's the problem. If they become whores, they necessarily, in our society, as it seems

44:41 today, become the other two? And why is that? The answer is abortion. Now I have a short podcast episode on my own podcast that did about abortion, I'll link that in the show notes because it goes over this in more depth, but to go over it briefly here. You cannot have a society in which you have rampant promiscuity if pregnancy is still a very real, let's call it a risk, with every sexual encounter. Which, in the state of nature, without what we have to day various devices and chemicals and such That's just the way it is for women. Every sexual encounter risks pregnancy. That is, in fact, part of what keeps women chaste. It's that thing in the back of their mind telling them if you do this dumb thing, there may be very real consequences that

45:37 you cannot hide. Historically, that has helped to keep women chaste, that has helped to keep marriages stable, that has helped to keep society stable. But But now we have prophylactics and we have so called birth control. The problem is hormonal birth control, which is the one that women primarily use, yes, it has a lot of negative environmental consequences and such. But that aside, hormonal birth control is abortifacient, because it works in several ways. The first way it works is by attempting to regulate the woman's cycle so that she will not be fertile except during a certain window so she can manage things and not get pregnant. The second is that it makes her vagina and her internal anatomy

46:29 inhospitable to sperm, so less likely for fertilization to take place. But the third method, and this one is the most morally objectionable, the others are problematic in their own way, but to a lesser degree. The third method is that it makes the lining of the uterus inhospitable to the implantation of the zygote. Now for those who are far removed from biology, the zygote is just the fertilized embryo. That's a human life, according to Christian theology, which is to say it is a human life, because it is according to God. And so if you change the chemistry or the hormones, the way the uterine lining reacts with the zygote and cause implantation to fail, you've just caused an abortion. That's murder.

47:22 And so women who are on birth control and having sex are guilty of murder. And so are the men who are having sex with them incidentally. And so there's your problem. If the women go off to college and become whores, they are almost certainly going to be on birth control. Well now they're also murderesses which is to say witches, which is to say apostates. So that is not actually an extreme thing to say. That is just exactly what happens, if you actually follow through the logic of what is being done. And Satan knows this. Satan knows exactly what he's doing. Your daughters may not know it, and they probably don't, because their health class probably did not cover that very simple biology I just

48:08 went over in But this is something people don't know. I actually just yesterday asked Chat GPT, the AI chat platform, just to see if it had been trained on this question, I asked it a handful of questions, a series of questions about abortion. Eventually I was able to get it to admit that hormonal birth control is abortifacient, but initially, it gave false answers, it had been trained to lie. Because of course it is a tool of the current ruling class of the order of our society. And so on these sorts of questions it's trained to lie to you. Well that's what your daughters are hearing in school, it's what your sons are hearing in school. If you ask most young people they will not know that birth

48:58 control is abortifacient. They will not know that it is murder to use it at least murder to use it while you're sexually active. And so that is what they get introduced into, and so they become complicit in these heinous sins before they even know what they're doing. And the advice that's coming from doctors is not only false, but one of the worst things that's happening on the secondary effects of the of the pill is that doctors are encouraging usually mothers because it's not the husband or the father who's taking his daughter for a gynecological checkup after she's had her first period. The gyno will say, Oh, you need to get on birth control, it'll help regulate your flow. You're gonna have much more comfortable periods.

49:45 It's gonna just make your life a whole lot better. So from the age of twelve or thirteen or maybe even younger, many, many, many girls are being put on these drugs that alter your body in some ways permanently. Because it effectively tricks the young girl's body into thinking she's been pregnant. And so you go on the pill when you're thirteen and you don't go off the pill until you're till you're thirty-three, guess what? Not only has your fertility plummeted by virtue of your age, but it's also been decimated by your body's hormones being tricked into a condition that wouldn't results in provable harm. And so, again, since we're trying to focus primarily on advice to young men, young men, one of the things that you should look

50:29 for, I'm not going to say it's an absolute no, but best case, you would have a wife who had never been on birth control. As I said, like so many doctors are saying that now, that's like it may be close to finding a unicorn. If she's an adult, like if she's eighteen, if she's d a young adult, she shouldn't be. Like because Corey said that then goes not only to the false promises that they're making about your period, but they go to the direct promises of oh, you can fornicate and not get pregnant. Additionally, there's harm to a girl having been on the on the pill. Some of that harm is mitigated over time, so it's not a death sentence. It's better for a virgin to have been on the pill and come off it after a few years than frankly someone who's not

51:19 a virgin who was never on the pill who's been promiscuous before you meet her. In a perfect world, you would find both. Hundred years ago, it would have been almost a given. So again, we're we're dealing with a circumstance where, as Corey was saying, like the deck is getting stacked against young men on virtually every count here. And we're not trying to set up some impossible goal where there's only one girl in 10,000 that can possibly meet all these criteria. Most of these are not going to be hard and fast rules, but you as a young man should know that the longer and the more severely any of these things go on, the less suitable a wife she's going to be. Beyond any control of herself, beyond any question about being forgiven by

52:03 Jesus, this is not, as we said in a couple of the other episodes, and as Corey said earlier, has nothing to do with forgiveness. This damage, this temporal consequences for sin is real. And much of it is immutable. It's like if you're a smoker for twenty years. You smoke a you know ten packs a day, and then you quit, your lungs will slowly heal, but they'll never go completely back to normal. So yes, after twenty years, is it better to quit smoking than to continue smoking? Absolutely. Is it better for your lungs if you never smoked at all? Obviously. So we're talking about just being aware, first of all. You know, again, I I don't want to give impossible circumstances because by the time we get done describing all these things, there may

52:49 be there may be one girl in fifty thousand that meets them all. And that's not that would that would cause dispersion. I we we absolutely do not want young guys to despair. What we want is for you to have the best opportunity to find girls who are the most likely to be good wives. And we're getting into here in a minute in some of the scriptural descriptions of what a good wife is like, but there's stuff there's stuff that scripture doesn't talk about because it didn't exist, because it was so horrifically evil that it took technology, basically took demons putting this crap in the hands of humans before some of these modern things took off. So you as a young man needed, you know, and you as

53:28 fathers who are listening, keep your daughters away from this crap, all of it. Don't put 'em in debt. Don't let them be put on the pill. And this is one of those things where just like daughters can now have abortions without their without parental consent. Stuff like the pill is happening too. In fact I I don't know what the state but I believe that the pill was just taken off prescription. Meaning that it will be possible to buy it if it's not already in stores. Over the counter. That's a nightmare for all these reasons. Like it's it's the reason that it went over the counter despite all the serious health risks is that the health risks are the point. the causing abortions, the destroying the future fertility The messing up pair

54:12 bonding, which is another critical part. A girl who has a natural cycle has fundamentally different taste in men than a girl who's on the pill. Most people don't know that. Most girls don't know that. Your tasting guys changes when you go off the pill. You will be repelled by some of the very things you find attractive, depending on whether or not you're on the pill. When you're on the pill and your body thinks you're pregnant, You're more attracted to nurturing, you're less attracted to brash. There's a lot more to it, but basically it sort of narrows down and weakens the range of men that you find appealing. And this is a vicious feedback cycle where men are then conditioned by their wives or their girlfriends on the pill to be weaker

54:59 than they maybe naturally would be. And then when, you know, ten years into your marriage you finally decide, okay, you know, we're getting into our mid thirties, maybe it's time to have our first kid, she goes off the pill, and two months later she's gonna divorce you because she finds you repellent. This actually happens. It is a it's a horrific risk. It's real. We may find some some links in show notes for this. Take my word for it or not, this stuff actually happens. these chemicals fundamentally alter human beings. And so when it's your wife who's pregnant and all these things are happening naturally, it's a blessing from God. It's fine. You're there, you're nurturing, you're taking care of her.

55:37 And if she's in a really weird mood and you gotta just manage that gently, that is the blessing of a husband and wife living a life together. It's completely different when it's been chemically altered and you introduce not being in marriage and all these other things that just they tear apart the very thing that God was trying to form. And so for fathers, don't let it happen. For sons, be aware of it. Again, we're not saying write off any girl. If you can find a girl that's never been on the pill, that isn't in debt, doesn't have any tattoos, the reason tattoos come up is there's a very strong element of self loathing in a lot of this. For a girl there's a lot of self loathing in acting out

56:17 sexually. And it's m it's again, it's a vicious cycle where she does something that she knows she didn't shouldn't do, she then regrets it, and to justify having done in the first place and to try to try to assuage the guilt, she'll go do more. To sort of double down and say, well, I can't have been wrong if I keep doing even more of it. That sounds stupid, but that's a sort of rationalization that goes on in people. That's not particular to girls, but when it particularly comes to sex sexual activity outside of marriage, it's very common. And tattoos and drugs and binge drinking, all these things are self-destructive. So something like tattoos are a good hallmark. Again, we're not making an absolute moral pronouncement, although I do think

57:04 it's I think it's sinful, but principally because it's born of self loathing. Yeah, you see pictures of so many pretty young girls today. They're they have perfect beautiful skin, they're incredibly attractive, and they're covered in doodles. They have these permanent idiotic tattoos, not even art. They've just been u they've used their bodies like graffiti. And it's just it shows that they're headless. It shows that they have bad fathers. It shows or no fathers at all. It shows they have no good relationship with their father. And that they hate themselves to some degree. And that sort of self-loathing Again, it's it's a it's a vicious m mutually reinforcing cycle where the more you do things that hurt yourself, the more you want

57:48 to hurt yourself for punishing yourself for having done the thing in the first place. And it's why we see so much self destruction in the world today. And then you know, maybe they sober up when they're in their thirty, thirty-five, forty, and they say, Well, where are all the good men? Well, all the good men are w looking for a girl who hasn't been destroying herself for twenty five years. Before we move on to the the scripture and then I guess finish up the episode with maybe some practical recommendations. And yes, I do recognize that I started to give a practical recommendation a little while ago and did not complete that. That is because we're going to do that at the end of the episode.

58:27 But there's a blunt point, and I do mean blunt point that I wish to make here. As a man, one of the things that you are doing in a marriage at least one of the things that you should be doing in a marriage, is you are buying a womb. And the reason I word it that way is because yes, marriage is a transfer of title, in a sense. It is the father transferring title to the daughter to the husband. But in addition, I say you're buying a womb because that is the only way you can build a family. You cannot have children if your wife is infertile. Of course you can't have children if you're infertile either, and so for those of you who need to hear it, lay off the marijuana. But as was mentioned earlier, there is a fertility window for

59:25 women. If she is outside that window, if she is aged out of being fertile, you cannot build a family with her, because she cannot have children, unless of course God happens to bless her in her old age, but chances are you're not going to be Sarah having children at that late stage in life. And so for the men out there, as a as a simple short practical recommendation before we get to the other ones later on. Mary younger. That has been historically normal. It varies in time and place, as was mentioned earlier, but it is entirely fine to marry younger. Your goal, assuming you are a good, upstanding Christian man, your goal is to build a family with this woman. If she needs to be ten years younger than you to do

1:00:18 that, so be it. And before we continue, I wanna make one thing clear, because we've we've used language like buying a womb and transfer of title and those are specific mechanical things about what's going on. I don't want anyone, particularly young guys are trying to figure this stuff out and you hear a lot of strident crazy talk on the internet. None of this is intended to dehumanize the girl that you want to marry. This is a person, this is a human being that you're gonna spend every day of the rest of your life with. She better be a good person. She better be kind and gentle and loving and and someone you want to be around. That's a human being. That's not a womb with legs. That's not something that you've just gotten a title to.

1:01:00 That's not property. That is a becomes a part of your own body. So the the specific reason that Corey and I will narrowly speak in those terms, A, it runs completely counter to everything that everyone else is saying, when it is in fact true. But that doesn't mean that it's the whole picture. We don't think it's the whole picture. It's not even remotely the whole picture. But it's a necessary part of it. Because Corey said if if the purpose of marriage is to procreate, which incidentally is what God said, said in Genesis the beginning, and he said in Genesis nine to Noah, Adam and Noah got the same message, and then it's reinforced again in the New Testament. Procreation is one of the gifts that God gives us.

1:01:46 That's a man and a woman, becoming one flesh. And the problems come in socially because the one flesh thing is a lot of fun. And all these technological so called advancements let us have the fun without having the rest of our lives part of it, which God intended and which God built in builds into it. So if you're a young guy and you're you know, there's a lot of people on the internet say a lot of really batty weird stuff. And frankly, one of the reasons we want to do hope we hope will be an encouraging episode to you is because one of the things I see a lot of young guys struggling with, particularly when they're starting to figure out just how bad things are is but they become completely blackpilled and completely hateful towards the state of

1:02:32 girls, to the point that they attribute that directly to just hating girls. And there's a whole subculture that sees that basically as a personality, that somehow hating and dehumanizing girls and calling them horrible names is is what is how they express their existence as guys. We don't think that and we don't we condemn those who do because it's destructive. It's every bit as destructive to these girls as all the other things that are going on that in some cases may frankly merit some of the name calling. It is a man's job to s to rise above the state of the world and to try to do things that are right, even when things are messed up. And the wisdom involved is figuring out what can I live with,

1:03:19 where do I draw the line, and how do I conduct myself in a godly manner, in one that's going to, as Corey said, build a family. That's the point. You're not just loving one person. It's not just, oh, she's cute and I want to get with her. You're gonna spend the rest of your life with her. Because she's a person. She's a charming, attractive person that you want to have with you. And by your side. You know, for all the attraction and all the flame early on, this is a companion who's going to be with you the rest of your life. And it's something that goes into mate choice up front, but then it pays dividends for the rest of your life. And you know, as we get into some of the other practical stuff,

1:04:02 I just want to mention that a lot of this is downstream from a girl's relationship with her father. I the advice that I give to young guys to mirror what Corey said: don't be shy about her being younger if you're avoiding some of these pitfalls. Not that it's necessarily the only correct solution, but if the only way you can find a girl who hasn't had sex with twenty guys or ten, i wherever you want to draw the line, you know, ideally it should be zero, her relationship with her father is going to be reflective of the relationship she will have with you. And that's something else you're buying. You know, we talk about a mechanical transactional thing. The relationship that we she has with her dad is going to

1:04:46 mirror the relationship that we ha she has with you. She f she's rebellious, if she loathes headship, if she has it all figured out on her own, she's never going to be a good wife ever. By any measure. She's never going to be a good wife because her dad screwed her up. You can't fix that. You can you can try, but you're gonna fail, because the only model she's ever had has been the sort of model that's going to finally tear you apart. No. Before no fault divorce and some of these other things, maybe you could bear it out and maybe you could bring her around, but today when you have literally no recourse for someone who decides that she wants to be a harpy or some other terrible thing. You're just out of luck.

1:05:30 You're gonna lose half your stuff and she's gonna go on and you may be stuck paying her for the rest of your life for a bad relationship. That's not a reason not to get married, but it's very much a reason to focus on finding a good girl going into it. So being kind, being loving, being wholesome, yeah, just generic stuff. Pretty. Not frankly, not too hot. The hottest girl in the world that you've ever seen has had attention from so many guys that she's going to be mad. She's going to have become completely insane because no one can possibly cope with having that much positive attention. Find a girl who's pretty that you like. Maybe find a girl who's neglected, that most guys don't see something

1:06:16 in her that you see. That girl is going to love you a great deal more. And one of the remarkable things about a girl loving you is that when she looks at you with that sort of love, her face transforms and she literally becomes more beautiful when she looks at you. Maybe no one else ever sees it, but you see it all the time. That's is a very real thing. And it's one of the things that I think guys like I said, we we talked to a lot of young guys. I don't think they're being super picky about I only want the hottest girl, but you want her to be attractive. That's it's it's crucial. You have to be attracted to the girl. And beauty is a big part of it. But inner beauty is a real thing too, because she's a human

1:06:57 being, she's a person. And so this transactional stuff it's it's very specific and narrow. It's not remotely the whole context of your relationship or your marriage. That is two people becoming one and spending your lives together. To emphasize what was said about the nature of woman, I'm reminded of something I said in episode twenty two when we were also talking about women, that was our episode on women more properly. I pointed out, and I think this is worth just reiterating here, instead of just telling you to go back and listen to that episode, I pointed out that in the garden Adam walked with God, Adam knew God face to face, Adam talked with God, and yet God still said it is not good for man to be alone.

1:07:51 Woman is the greatest blessing next to, of course, salvation, as I also mentioned in the previous episode, but of course Adam did not need salvation at that point. Woman is the greatest gift God has ever made for man, and that is true for every man with regard to his wife. And And it is important to keep sight of that, not to lose sight of that. Even if we mentioned the problems we have today, and yes, we're in a fallen world, and woman has a rebellious streak, that's part of her curse. And really it's a curse that falls on the man, but that's a separate topic for another time. Even though we live in a fallen world, she is still one of the greatest blessings God can give you, and scripture is very

1:08:43 clear on that. I think that leads in nicely to talking about Scripture. And so to start off, I would begin with Proverbs. Perhaps Proverbs eighteen to start he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. But perhaps even more than that verse Proverbs nineteen, house and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. Scripture's very clear that a good wife is a gift from God. Yes, there are of course things that society can do to improve your odds of finding a wife, there are things fathers can do to raise daughters to be good wives, etc. However, all Ultimately that blessing is from God, as are all blessings. God uses human beings and the creation as his tools to deliver

1:09:40 blessings to you. But ultimately those blessings are from God, and Scripture here, very clear, a good wife is a great blessing from God. Of course we can also turn to Ecclesiastes, and this emphasizes and really we were echoing this point, but it emphasizes the point we were making about how you should go through life if God gives you a wife. And so Ecclesiastes nine, enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life, and is your toil at which you toil under the sun. I think as we look at the scriptural admonitions for what a good wife looks like, it's basic and it's obvious, but I think maybe we don't necessarily test ourselves, particularly before marriage, you know, when when there's

1:10:36 a young man and w young woman just trying to figure out who do I want. These passages are not just about okay, once I'm married, this is how I ought to behave. Some of these things are qualitative about the person themselves. Can you as a girl, can you as a as a young man live up to these things? Have you lived yourself, your life in such a women fashion that you can deliver on these expectations from God. And if you're on a path where you are perhaps disrupting some of the things that make it possible for you to deliver on what God expects, amend your ways now. Because it's not just about cleaning up your act once you get married. that's frankly one of the biggest tropes today. The girls live wild, they do unspeakable things with insane

1:11:32 numbers of men, and then they decide to settle down, and then they decide to be the good girl. And so effectively, the one man who's actually willing to give her a chance is settling for the leftovers of fifty guys who came before. And she feels it, even if he doesn't know it, and if he ever finds out he's destroyed by it, either directly destroyed by the realization in his own disgust, and then the certain the situation of being in a marriage with a woman who has done these things, or he destroys himself as a man by effectively accepting that sort of behavior and saying, Oh, well, I I guess I love you anyway, and that's what I've got. It's there's no fixing those situations. And that's it's one of the reasons that the

1:12:22 God speaks to this directly. In first Corinthians 6, he says, the body is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body, and God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never. Or do you not know that he who joined is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her, for it is written, The two become one flesh. But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits outside of the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body, or do you not

1:13:03 know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price, so glorify God in your body. Now, the unforgivable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is one that's fundamentally about choosing to drive out the Holy Spirit. And I think that this passage goes directly to one of the paths that can lead to that. If your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit, which is true, there's no if about it, if you're a Christian, and you continuously sin in ways that you know are sin and you do them anyway because you want the the upsides and you don't fear the downsides. Either you think God wasn't serious, or you'll make up for that,

1:13:52 you know, next Sunday, or you're just not going to think about it. Eventually you will drive out the Holy Spirit. If you make your body a temple for fornication, that is what it will become. And God in numerous places says that He gives people over to their lusts. If you want to say, I don't want God, I want this other thing instead. Something that was created by God as a gift within the boundaries that he established. If we say no, I'm gonna steal that for myself, I'm gonna do what I want with it, use it the way I want it, you're endangering your soul. And as Corey said earlier, a lot of this is about antinomianism because people think, you know, I don't want to judge people, I'm just gonna let that slide.

1:14:37 I can do a little bit and it's fine. You're going in one direction or the other. And I want to mention just briefly here, hearkening back to what we discussed in the listener feedback episode about chastity versus celibacy. If you're a young man and you wonder maybe I'm just a celibate, celibate means that if a completely naked, beautiful girl walks up to you and she has a big smile and she asks you some question. If your response, your soul response is to be annoyed with her for behaving in such a way, and you send her away. And when she walks away, you don't even glance up to check her out, then you're celibate. That's pretty much the threshold for celibacy. That's I don't care. I don't want anything to do with sex.

1:15:29 Period. Everyone else is trying to be chaste. This passage is talking about chastity. Someone who is celibate doesn't need to flee sexual immorality because they're not capable of sexual ill morality. If you're celibate, there's none of it for you. It's a gift from God that's so incredibly rare as we said in episode twenty two, you don't know anybody. It's not you. It's conceivable. It's a gift from God that s exists in some cases, but it's so rare that you shouldn't take it seriously as a thing. And the reason that's important is that for everyone else, chastity is A duty. It's a duty to God to preserve the bounds of this gift within the scope for which God gave it. When you remove sex from the boundaries of marriage, you are unchaste.

1:16:30 That's what it means. There's no such, you know, chastity has to do with refraining from that which is outside what's given to you. So young men particularly struggle with chastity because I said earlier, you're surrounded by girls who are sexually promiscuous, who visually display their sexual availability by dressing in ways that would have gotten people arrested even twenty years ago. And today it's basically just normal. That's a nightmare. For any young man who's full of testosterone, which incidentally leads directly to sexual desire, the the hormone is there for that purpose. As Corey said earlier in I think one of the on women episodes, one of the metabolites for girls drinking alcohol is testosterone.

1:17:16 They get hornier when they drink. It doesn't happen that way with guys. We are naturally sexually amped up by virtue of being men. And chastity is confining that to your wife. And if you don't have a wife, then you just try as best you can to turn it off. You don't put yourself in situations where you're gonna be tempted, and if there is temptation, you flee from it, as many passages in scripture say you just you do what Joseph did with Potiphar's wife. He tried to seduce her, she fled. It was a sure thing. She I'm sure she was beautiful, she was wealthy, she was ready to go, and Joseph fled, because it was wicked, and he was faithful to God. That's chastity. But incidentally, it wasn't celibacy.

1:18:01 Joseph wasn't celibate. He was obeying God by fleeing temptation because he was tempted. There would not have been temptation if he were celibate. So don't let pastors try to box you into a corner where they say, Oh, you right now you're blessed with a gift of singleness. That's not a gift. That is a temporary condition. And you pray to God to send you a godly wife as He has promised He intends for all men. When that day arrives, then chastity is set aside, and you love your wife. You love only her, and you love her completely, and she loves you. So it's it's an if-then situation, it's not an not me. And then maybe later I'll turn it on. You've that's not that's not the case. Be chaste when you're young, be chaste when you're unmarried, and when

1:18:51 you're married, stop being chaste, as God says, except for a time by mutual agreement. Otherwise, you need to continue to maintain that one flesh union because it is absolutely a part of maintaining your marriage. A marriage is maintained. It's not it's not a a flag that gets set on you, you know, like something gets put on your driver's license, you know, an endorsement. A marriage is sustained by the activity within the marriage, the conduct that you have with each other, the way you treat each other, and part of that is the opposite of chastity. The gift is given to you by God, and you're expected to use it. And if one party or the other ceases to, the marriage will wither. It will absolutely be harmed by your failure to love your

1:19:37 spouse as you were intended to. And scripture is very clear on that point, neither the wife nor the husband is entitled to withhold sex from the other. Extremely clear that that is not something that you are permitted to do, except of course by agreement for a period of time for reasons of self-control or prayer. But I think this is a good point to emphasize something that is going to come up in the mind of some of the particularly younger male listeners, and that is the problem of pornography. Now I wrote a short piece on that, I'll link it in the show notes, but I want to hit on some of the points of that here. You shouldn't fall into despair if you have that habitual sin. So long as you regret having fallen into that sin again and

1:20:37 wish to do better. Because if you regret that sin and wish to do better, that's repentance. Just because you fall into a habitual sin does not mean that you have given yourself over to a reprobate mind or you've fallen away or any of these other things. Don't give in to despair. That is what Satan wants you to do. Satan is that little voice telling you Well you gave in again, you'll never kick this habit, you may as well just not care. If you give in completely, that is when it becomes the problem of driving out the Holy Spirit. If you fall into these particularly this kind of habitual sin as a young man, try to do better. Look for ways that you can suppress the temptation. But as long as you have that repentance, you have that regret,

1:21:34 you have that desire to turn away from the sin and back toward God, that is the mark of a Christian. That is the work of the law turning you away from your sin and back to God. That is things functioning not exactly as they should, because obviously ideally you wouldn't fall into the sin, but it is things in light of your fallen nature and having fallen to that sin functioning as best they can. And so I do recommend for all the young men, and for other listeners as well, to go and read that piece. I think that I make a number of important points in that piece about the reality of this particular topic given current circumstances in our culture at large. I think one important thing to address here is that

1:22:23 this is fundamentally a question of desires that are properly ordered versus desires that are disordered. It is absolutely properly ordered for you to desire to see a woman naked. What is disordered is that you're not to desire that of all women. You're to desire that of your wife and no one else. So it's it's a It's a it's a filter where on one side you want everything about your wife and you should want nothing of other women. And if you don't have a wife, it should mean that you want nothing of any of them sexually. So So when someone is is tempted by sexual desire by someone who's not his wife, as you struggle with that, know that you're struggling with a properly ordered desire that's misplaced.

1:23:13 Because you're looking at someone that's not your wife. You shouldn't. You shouldn't be looking at a screen or a magazine or some figmentary represent representation of a human being that's disembodied, that's no longer human, it's just an image. That's one of the other destructive things about viewing other people remotely like that. And it's it's an incredibly surreal and virtually impossible thing that we face today, really entirely on the internet, but also even just with magazines and with television. And really with the invention of the photograph, or at least with the invention of easily reproduced drawings. Because two hundred years ago, if you saw a beautiful girl, the only way you're gonna see her was with your own eyes.

1:23:59 And I'm not not talking about sexual desire, not talking about seeing anyone naked or anything r remotely like that. Literally just seeing a pretty girl's face in in the almost all of human history was going to be pretty rare. Like it it's gonna be a neighbor, it's gonna be someone in your close or extended family, it's gonna be someone in your tribe or clan, someone nearby, or perhaps you travel and you see a pretty girl somewhere else. Short of actually getting in with you know 30 feet of someone and seeing her with your own eyes or him with his your own eyes for your girl, uh men and women are equally sexual when it comes to the visual. It it's it's nonsense that there's a huge disparity.

1:24:42 Men are much more visual, but girls absolutely have the same sort of responses, just somewhat in different circumstances. So girls absolutely lust after guys when they look at them too, but it's much more about fantasy for them. The s the thing that we struggle with today, and I think the really bizarre dehumanizing aspect of aspect of images of people, regardless of of anything else, regardless of sexual chastity. Just the idea that you would see someone phenomenally beautiful because you were able to find a picture of them it was impossible for almost all human history. Which means that for us, for everyone on Earth today, our beauty standards are completely bonkers. Because two hundred years ago, the best looking person in your town,

1:25:31 yeah, maybe they're only average, man or woman. Maybe they're exceptionally pretty, if it was from a really good looking family. You know, maybe there's an outlier. But it's so rare that the idea that you have to have the incredibly beautiful man or woman would never occur to anyone because that person, you know, when Helen of Troy, the face that launched a shop thousand ships, there's a joke on Twitter a few months ago that Helen of Troy was mid, meaning she wasn't really all that attractive. She probably was, but was she the most beautiful person on the planet? Whatever. Today, we all see people more beautiful than anything that would have p potentially existed in antiquity. Not necessarily because the people are actually that beautiful, but because lighting

1:26:16 and makeup and digital alteration fabricate fake versions of human beings after starting with a human being who's so rare in terms of their relative beauty. And physical beauty is not only subjective, it's also objective I think we we talked about in a previous episode the factors of symmetry and actually the the um golden ratio itself and the proportions of a face and a body go directly to the beauty of a person. You can mathematically demonstrate how close someone's visual appearance is to an ideal mathematical form. And the closer it is to that, the more attractive they are. So all these alterations make someone who's, A, they're not your neighbor, they're someone remote. In most cases, particularly with poor, they're probably the victims of sex

1:27:10 trafficking. So you're participating in multiple levels of evil at that point. But then you're looking at people far away who have been altered in ways that make them no longer human. they uh they're they're a doppelganger representation of frankly a p in most cases today a a pretty disgusting version of beauty that we've been taught by media and you know who controls the media to say, Oh yeah, that's that's great. You know, we see so many young girls now getting a lip filler. it's revolting. it turns them into goblins, beautiful faces, turned into hideous inhuman things that are on suddenly on the wrong side of the uncanny Valley because so-called doctors are butchering their faces to chase these artificial

1:28:00 ideas of beauty that no one on of their own accord would would reach. So even just looking at these sorts of things fundamentally distorts our view of the people we actually see around us. If you're you know, if you spend all your time watching movies or TV or something, it until recently, it was always going to be some of the hottest people. Today they're abnormally unattractive, which is itself another form of assault. But these unnatural experiences, including porn, including seeing intimate things that you should only ever see, much of it should never be seen by any because so many things that are done are unnatural. they're disordered and evil. But even just absolutely normal, appropriate sexual activity, you should only see

1:28:51 that if you're seeing it in first person with your wife. And divorcing any aspect of any of this from the reality of one man and one woman brought together by God makes it all worse. But it makes it worse in ways that can often become inescapable. You know, we we talked about the pill destroying girls' bodies, destroying their ability to be attracted to a man or to to um gestate correctly. Porn absolutely destroys a man's ability to function sexually. It's a very, very common complaint among girls today that guys who have become habituated and addicted to viewing pornography can no no longer function sexually in some cases it may take a while to go away, in some cases it may never go away, because you're you're

1:29:43 functionally burning out a part of your brain that was never supposed to be burned out in the first place. when you have a naturally properly ordered marriage with an a woman or a man, you don't burn out. You have all things in moderation and you enjoy them fruitfully and with each other and there's no burnout. you can't you know, unless she's you know, cooking way too much good food and you get fat. But she has an incentive not to make you fat because sh she she doesn't want to look at you being fat. So, you know, there there's always a mutually reinforcing aspect to an actual real relationship, and it completely vanishes when you're looking in the image of someone who's not even real. I want to read the verse that I mentioned earlier because I

1:30:29 think it's important to read the actual words of scripture, not just mention them, so that those who know what I'm referencing know the verse, but I mentioned having a wife and the wife not withholding from her husband, the husband not withholding from his wife, and that is of course first Corinthians. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited

1:31:14 time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control. And so scripture's incredibly clear that sex is part of marriage, and it's not a part of marriage that is optional. As we've mentioned before, it is in fact the definition of marriage because marriage has to be consummated. I would also like to emphasize something that Wo said previously about singleness in particular. For those pastors and teachers out there or others, anyone in a position of authority, or really even if you aren't in a position of authority, if you've just put this out there, if you've repeated this lie, if you have said that singleness is a blessing, you

1:32:05 need to publicly recant that, because that is false. Celibacy is a blessing. Now is it conceivable that God could use singleness as a blessing for a season? Absolutely. But blessing by and large is something that is Something that is in accord with God's ordering of things, and singleness is not, as this verse makes clear. Each man should have his own wife, each woman should have her own husband. That is the natural order of things. That is what God intends. He made them man and woman. We have many verses about that, starting with Genesis 2. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh, this runs throughout scripture. And so singleness when you describe it, in terms of being some

1:33:00 sort of great blessing, you are lying about God and His Word, and you are doing very real harm, particularly to the young men and women who are single and very much do not wish to be so. And so if you hold to that position. I certainly hope that God does something that will make it so that you are no longer able to teach that false doctrine, up to it including striking you mute and having your teeth right out of your head. Because there should be very real consequences for false teachers who teach these sorts of evil things. And personally I am sick of hearing that one. Not personally as in in reference to me, but personally sick of hearing it with regard to other young men because these are young

1:33:46 men who have very real problems, who are facing a world that is stacked against them. And then they have teachers and those in positions of authority and worse pastors in many cases, saying these incredibly wicked and harmful things. Apparently some pastors, teachers, and others should think long and hard about the stricter judgment. One of the last passages I wanted to get into was from first Peter three. Likewise, wives, be subject to your husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see you respectful and pure conduct, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you

1:34:34 wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, is Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman in the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I think this is another small example of something that this is not a passage that's just for okay once you're married, but

1:35:17 for a young man if you're looking for girls, I don't think that we necessarily need to treat this as never adorning yourself in any sort of fine clothing because there are many examples in scripture where that is a a godly and upright thing. You know, the discussions of marriage feasts, wedding feasts and other sorts of celebrations adorning in beautiful fashion is not idolatrous. It can be a celebration. However, it's very common, again, because of the depraved culture in which we live, for particularly girls to be to see a fashion as identity. You know, just as uh guys you young guys especially have the the problem of and you fall into complete irony or wisecracking or blackpilling or complaining or whatever.

1:36:09 Emotional responses to things are not a personality. A personality is more than just a reactive knee jerk response to, you know, some social input. Girls need to be the sort of human beings who do not see their clothing as their personality. On top of not being giving the the exhibition of of promiscuous sexual behavior, you know, she should be dressed in a chaste way. But you also don't want a girl who's caked in makeup and is always always dressed to the nines because that sort of person is she's going down a path where look at me, look at me is more important than who she is inwardly. And, you know, makeup is a as a small example, but I would put makeup up there almost on the same level as as

1:37:08 the pill. You know, I've I know guys who when they early on when they met their wives are like, I don't I don't want to see you in makeup. An attractive girl doesn't need or use a bunch of that crap. it's another one of those memes that was frankly introduced into well it it's been around for a long time, obviously they're examples from antiquity of of makeup being used, but it's notable that they were almost always used in profane fashions or just as as idolatrous fashion. Yeah, either directly as part of some ceremonial evil or just as a part of a culture that was itself just kind of ambiently evil. It's not that a girl who's ever worn makeup is out of the cards, but hey, you want to see what she looks

1:37:59 like without makeup because makeup can completely transform a face. And you may think you're looking at one person. And when you see her without makeup, she's a completely different person. Maybe you find one attractive and you find the other one completely unattractive. And You should know which is which before you marry her, because that's you have every right to know whom you're marrying. So it's a small thing, but it's one of those things that you know ideally it really shouldn't even exist. And you know we there's talk of natural beauty and it's a real thing. Someone who someone who's living a chaste and wholesome life, who's happy, who's at peace with God is genuinely more attractive.

1:38:45 And someone who has to resort to this sort of trickery usually is again they're usually engaging in some degree of self loathing. It's certainly deceitful. And it's often you know maybe it's just low self esteem. It's not at all irredeemable. Sometimes it it tends towards self hatred. And that's usually when you see not only egregious amounts of makeup, but also tons of piercings, tattoos, like all these things that are physically altering the appearance of a girl away from what God made. God made one thing, and then they go in a completely different direction. That's not a good sign. A girl or a man should become more himself in God in as he lives his life or her life, we should become more

1:39:35 of what God wants and not less. And when we flee from the bodies that he gave us and the faces that he gave us, if you want to improve your body, men lift weights. I can tell you in particular if you're young men, start lifting now. The younger the better. Like I you know, there's there's a minimum age beneath which it may not be good for you related to growth plates, but by the time you're fifteen, sixteen, you absolutely should be doing a lot of vigorous physical exercise. Because I can tell you as an older guy, the muscle that you gain when you're 15, 20, you keep very easily the rest of your life. Muscle you gain when you're in your 30s, you go to work or it goes away. It's not free anymore.

1:40:14 It it's remarkable. I used to I was a paperboy. I I pedaled six days a week, 90 minutes a day up and down some pretty serious hills. My thighs are really strong and they've stayed strong despite not doing anything particular with them. That muscle I basically just got for free as a kid accidentally. Do the work now, put in the work now, and you will have a much easier life when you're older. Because strength is good. Strength is is something that God commends. It makes your life easier, makes you more attractive, makes you more confident. And for young men, I think that's a big part of this is that finding confidence when you necessarily don't have a lot of reasons for it, especially when you're young, is one of the hardest hurdles to

1:40:59 feel like you have something worth sharing with a girl. There's a there's a fundamental difference between the way girls view mate selection and guys. Guys want to be worth a girl wanting them. And girls, you know, today are effectively the choosers. And that's it affects everything in our lives. And when when May selection is running properly, you know, when the community, when parents are involved and the inputs, when the young man, the young woman are chaste and they're doing the right things or trying to, that reinforcement of wholesomeness just takes off and it's great. Unfortunately today we're living in a world where everything seems to be set against us. But one thing that you can do as a young man is

1:41:47 just build something, build yourself into something and trust in God to deliver in his time a girl who will like who you are, who will love who you are, because that's what you need. It's what you know you need. I think the the biggest hurdle for guys dealing with being alone is that There's an inherently ironic tension between the thing that you want as a young man more than anything else is to to have a girl, to have someone to love, and to be the man that she wants that she wants, period. The problem with that, and the the reason I used irony correctly, I hope here is that if she can smell, if she can instinctually detect that the thing that you want more than anything is to have a girl or for especially for it to be her,

1:42:41 that's inherently repellent. Oh it's completely insane, it's completely backwards. But the very thing that's the most important to you, if you let it come across as anything remotely like desperation, it becomes repulsive. And so while it's a properly ordered desire for you to want a girl to want a wife, it is counterproductive if that becomes a conscious aspect of how you conduct yourself. You can shape yourself into a man that you want to be, that you want, you know is God pleasing, and will please a wife at some point. But if everything that you do is focused entirely on I hope she likes me, I hope she sees this. She might see it, but I promise you she will not like it. If it's cruel and it's completely backwards.

1:43:27 it's one of the most insane things about human existence, but it's an immutable law. And it's a tough thing for guys to get over, but the simple rule is have some confidence, even if it's even if it's hallucinatory for a time, and relax. Be happy and confident in who you are, even if you're just a goofball. I don't go overboard with being goofy, but be confident in who you are, and that itself becomes appealing. And if you can just set aside the the intense desire to not be alone, that is how you actually satisfy that that desire. I was tempted to add Proverbs 31, because of course it fits here. But one, we've already moved into the the end of this episode and describing some of the ways, some of the practical things for

1:44:17 young men to do, young men in particular to do, to aid in finding a wife and just really living life. But I think instead I'll recommend go listen to episode twenty two that includes reading Proverbs thirty one in that episode. But we already went over some of the major issues here avoid pornography develop an actual personality that should go without saying, but really it does need to be repeated. You need to have an actual personality. Not just things that you hate. Don't make that your personality. That will make everyone want to avoid you. on a purely practical note, not just lifting weights, do some exercise, and I'm going to remind everyone don't forget cardio. You actually do need your cardiovascular system, or you're not going to

1:45:10 have a particularly good go of things. Get a hobby. It almost doesn't matter what the hobby is. I am going to recommend you not get obsessed with Star Wars or Star Trek, probably not the best hobby. Men who do that tend to start building weird shrines. But whatever the hobby happens to be, if it's painting miniatures, fine, do that, great. Maybe also transform what you learn from the hobby into something practical as well. Maybe take up a little bit of woodworking along with it, because you've already learned the painting part. But it's important for men to have a hobby. You need some sort of outlet, something into which you can pour some energy and time. And it helps along with women as well, because then you will

1:46:00 have something to discuss. discuss I not saying talk to her about the details of every miniature that you have in your collection. Some women will enjoy that, some won't. You have to be able to gauge that for yourself. But it makes you more interesting if you have things in your life that do not involve her, that don't involve any women. Because they're things in your life that you're doing because you want to do then. That is attractive to women. But insofar as the practical advice goes, one of the things that I continually recommend, and I think it is one of the best and easiest things you can do simply to feel a little better, is go for a walk every day. Just go for a short walk every single day, twenty, thirty minute

1:46:53 walk. If you have a dog, great. If you don't have a dog, fine. Go walk by yourself, walk with a neighbor, whatever it happens to be. It gets you outside, it gets you a little cardio, it gets you some exercise, you will feel better if you do this. It It absolutely works. All of the research shows this is a good thing for you. Anyone to whom you talk who has picked up this hobby will tell you this helps. And sometimes it is the simple things in life that help. God created a beautiful world, and it's outside your window. Don't spend all your time inside, particularly in a dark room. Go outside, get some sunlight, go for a walk, get a little cardio. You will feel better. And in the same vein of very simple advice, drink some water.

1:47:40 You're probably dehydrated, particularly if you've picked up the bad habit of drinking energy drinks. Hydration actually matters again. This is back to you're still a creature, you're still an animal. There are things you have to do to take care of yourself. These are some of the basics. These are things that your father, the authority figures in your life, should have taught you, should have helped you with these things. Maybe some of them did, great, maybe they didn't, which is more and more likely these days. You need to do it yourself. There's a wealth of resources for these things. You can improve your life and improve yourself, which will not only make you feel better, but will improve your odds of feeling a

1:48:25 wife if that is what you were attempting to do. And I mentioned earlier that I would give some practical advice on the actual finding a wife part. In addition to the don't look at college, because that's probably not a good plan. And so for the fathers who were thinking I sent my daughter off to college to find a husband, no you didn't. And it's a bad plan if you did. But for the young men out there, if you're looking for a wife, go to the grocery store. Some of the cashiers are probably single. Go to a coffee shop. Some of the baristas are probably single. There are women all over the world. You don't have to go to a bar or a club or college or any of these places you're told you can find women

1:49:12 there. Go to a bookstore. Go there and read for a while. See the women who walk in and out. There are plenty of places you can find women. And this leads into some of the most important advice for some of the young men in the audience. You need to be comfortable with rejection. Now I know that social anxiety is rampant in the Zoomer generation and younger, and quite frankly, millennials are pretty bad about it as well. Try ringing the doorbell for a millennial. Good luck getting someone to actually answer. But you need to get over it. That's the long and the short of it. It's blunt, but it's true. Practice. Go up to a woman, ask for a number. If she says no, okay, that's one woman out of there are

1:50:03 three hundred million people in this country. So about half are women? Some forty percent of that. Probably about the age range for you. Okay, so one out of tens of millions of potential women told you no. That's not the end of the world. Get over it, try again. That's how you do things, and you know what's great about it? If you take it the right way, when you're rejected, and you will be rejected, it doesn't matter if you're the most attractive man on the planet, and have millions of dollars, some women still won't like you. If you're rejected and you take it the right way, it gets easier to approach women in the future. And so each time you do that, it's easier. You are building up that confidence that you need.

1:50:50 And yes, you can build confidence off of being rejected because you are getting more comfortable with yourself. And that shows women are more likely to respond positively when you are comfortable with yourself. And that takes practice. Because you probably didn't develop that growing up, and you need to develop it now. And the common thread in both of those things you just mentioned, you know, approaching girls cold and going for a walk, is that it involves relaxation. It is weird as that may sound, but if you are relaxed in doing things like walking, it relaxes you being in nature. Actually, it changes your blood pressure, it changes everything about your body, even thirty minutes a day. When you are more relaxed, it's not off-putting.

1:51:41 If you're a ball of tension, if if you seem wound up and you seem like someone who's on the verge of something, when you speak to someone, that comes through, even if it's deep down inside you, if that's your internal state, girls especially can sniff that sort of thing out because they have they have more finely tuned social senses than men. Yeah, and you have two groups of people, a bunch of men and a bunch of women. The women are always going to do a better job at teasing out the hidden reefs, the the things that are hidden, the the motivations, whatever's going on, they're going to tend to do a better job. Because for them it's not rational. They're not they're not thinking things through.

1:52:23 They're intuiting those things. Then they're they're figuring it out just by raw instinct. And so when you're relaxed, especially if if you if you go up to a girl and you know try to strike up a conversation, if you the hard thing is not caring if she cares. So you see a girl, you want to talk to her. The fact that you talk to her is driven by the fact that you want to talk to her. And yet it can't come across that you want to talk to her. Like it's stupid and insane. But the worst thing you can do is make her think you're wound up like I I gotta talk to her. I hope she likes me. That sh it that's completely repellent. If you are relaxed to the point that she's like, I wonder if he even cares, even when you approached her, that is when

1:53:10 she's going to find you more interesting. Again, it's it it's counterintuitive. it's a pain in the butt, but it's how we're wired. And so God gave us resilience. Men are the tough ones when it comes to this stuff. I mean it's recently it it's a tragic trope that's come about is sex reassignment surgery and these these especially girls who are trying to live as men freak out. they think oh it's easy mode because the whole culture tells them, oh it's so much easier being a guy. They s now they suddenly look like a guy enough to pass, and you know what happens? They become completely invisible. And some of them are actually driven to suicide not even just by the fact that they're engaging in what we all know is

1:54:01 destructive, but specifically the female to male to suddenly realize how hard it is to be a man to know you've effectively taken a one-way trip is overwhelming. the aloneness that a man naturally faces in the world is inconceivable to girls. They have no idea how hard it is to be us. And we just take it in stride because it's all we know. And so again, back to not blackpilling or being a whiner or blaming them, you have to be resilient, even if in the face of impossible odds. That sort of strength and relaxation, even when Even when it seems like everything is burning and everything is lost or hopeless or whatever, when you can still be a happy warrior when you face impossible odds, suddenly you become charming by that degree.

1:54:53 Suddenly you become someone that men want to be and women want to be with. That's really kind of just generically the advice. And it's it's particularly hard for young guys 'cause you don't know who you are yet. You're s you're still figuring that out. And so when we say, you know, things like don't you know, don't let irony or or sarcasm or something become your personality, it's precisely because if if that's all you do, it's what you will become. And it's just is not interesting. And the nice thing about having hobbies and interests that have you know some general appeal is that another thing that girls are particular find very appealing is when a man has passion for something. Even if she's not interested in it, just the fact that you

1:55:39 can be interested in something to a point is attractive. Now, if it becomes an obsession and it's your entire personality, then that's repulsive. And there's there's a lot of these things where it's like it's grayed up to a point, and then beyond that point, it becomes disgusting and repulsive. That's the reason that's a recurring theme is that that's really just how this stuff works. And nobody told me as a as a young man, I had to figure this crap out myself the hard way multiple times. And I made a lot of stupid and evil mistakes along the way. So So, you know, romantically, you look at my life and say that's a complete failure. Fine. I'm I'm done with that crap. And that's not me blackpilling, it's me realizing that having painted myself

1:56:26 into a corner where I've personally screwed things up and at my age, this is now what I focus on. I focus on trying to help other men and trying to help build a a future for your children and for, you know, the world that I was born into and will leave nothing behind. That is my blessing from God. All the things that I've screwed up, all the mistakes that I've made in along all these lines, have given me the ability to do stuff that most guys can do. You know, I think one of the reasons that a lot of guys appreciate the work that we do is that frankly, Corey and I are able to say stuff publicly that most men still can't say because they'll get doxed and destroyed. And if you have a family or you want to have a

1:57:10 family and you want to take care of your wife and kids, you probably can't say a lot of this stuff. You know, especially some of the recent episodes we've done. We can say it. And it's particularly because of the fact that, you know, it's not the blessing of singleness. It's just, okay, this is where we are. Here's what we're doing with it. I would never hold myself as a m up as a model for anything. I want anyone to emulate me. But I would hope that as we try to share some of these lessons, some of which we've learned ourselves and some of which are general knowledge that are in places like the manosphere that has a lot of terrible toxic stuff. I mean it has just once you realize how girls work, you

1:57:51 go in one of two directions. And most guys go in the direction that most of that world pushes them, which is just rampant fornication. Particularly if you have a low regard for girls. If you think they're all whores, I can't believe they're like this. I'm just gonna have fun. I'm gonna exploit those weaknesses and those mistakes. That's evil, but it's easy. And frankly, it's what most of the world that knows about this stuff says. There are not many Christians that both know it and have some aptitude for it who will also say, here's how this actually applies for Christians, because it does, because it the exploitation of weaknesses in human nature nature that are used by evil men are the very

1:58:37 things that shape all of our lives. Yeah. In one way or another. If you have a weakness or a p proclivity, either you're going to keep it in check or it's going to run away with you. And that's why anchoring this stuff in Scripture is important, is that above all else we need to know that we are not our own, but we were bought with a price. God paid for us on the cross, and God gives us the Holy Spirit, living within us. And so that should preclude, when we focus on it, all these other mistakes. The sinful human flesh that's still here even in the sanctified man or woman has those desires and God wants them to be fulfilled in a godly way. And so as we close out, trusting in those promises needs to

1:59:20 be paramount. And then living a daily life of both repentance from our sinful inclinations and battering ourselves in a godly fashion to make ourselves the sort of man that God wants us to be. God has a lot to say about a lot of these things. When we do those, we then have to trust that God will deliver on his promises in his time. And that's the ultimate source of relaxation. We can't be worked up about it and afraid that we're gonna fail and God's not gonna deliver. You do your part and trust God. And God will deliver on his promises. I don't know when. Not everyone will necessarily ever get a girlfriend and a wife, which is obviously the goal. Girl goal is not a girlfriend. The goal is a godly, faithful wife.

2:00:13 Find someone for whom you can be a head, make yourself her head and be a good head, to be a faithful head, being the kind of head that she looks up to and admires and needs and trusts and turns to. Because that is your role as a man, to be the sort of man who has his bearings. Even when things are on fire and things are scary and they're weird and no one knows what's going on. If you can be relaxed and still say, I love you, I'm gonna take care of you, I have this, there's nothing to worry about. That is the essence of marriage where there's a sacrifice as God modeled, as Christ modeled for the church, that doesn't involve you dying. You can sacrifice simply being being the one who bears under the

2:01:00 weight of all these pressures without cracking. And you can do that by your own strength. It can only come from strength in faith in God and in the promises he's giv given us. And so I think we'll end with a reading from Matthew 6, the Words of Christ. I'm a little tempted to include a link in the show notes to a chicken stream as an object lesson possibly in four K, but we'll we'll see if I include that or not. But Matthew six. Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on, is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them?

2:01:49 Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow, they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, What shall we eat, or what shall we drink, or what shall we wear? For the heathen seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all

2:02:36 these things will be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious about to morrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.